Finding my happy place....

This pregnancy has been incredibly hard on me.
Not physically, but emotionally.
I have been battling severe depression
not the "I want to kill myself" depression fortunately.
but the "I want to sleep all day, not move, not talk, cry all the time, not happy" kind of depression.
What makes it worse is I know how stupid it is, how stupid I am. That's why I haven't told anyone.

The reasons I shouldn't be depressed..........I have the BEST husband. He works so hard and then comes home and does soooo much for me. Cleans, does laundry, gets Mae showered and in bed for me. No joke every night and NEVER complains. He's absolutely amazing.
Then Mae.... that little girl is truly the light of my life. She's so sweet. (Offering me her "frenin" when I was upset at the Dr's office) Doesn't complain when we don't get out of the house for days. She's tracing Numbers and letters on an app on my phone and every time she does one she screams "I DID IT!" She's learning her colors and shapes and always wants me to teach her new things. Makes me so happy that she wants to learn and loves to learn. She reminds me to say prayers at EVERY meal (even snacks) and is always telling me she loves me and "you de best" 
I look at every thing I have and there's NO reason to be depressed. I honestly have SO much but I can't shake this. Now with all these contractions I have to "take it super easy" which means a lot of sitting down and thinking. Not to mention it's 115 degrees outside so even sitting outside causes contractions :/
and then July is a tough month as it is,2 births 2 deaths in a span of a week.  I usually try to stay busy but now that's out of the question. So I feel like I'm forced to sit here and wallow. I feel its getting to much. I don't know what to do anymore besides sleep.

I'm 29 weeks today... hopefully less than 10 weeks and I can stop feeling like this........

The House that Built Me

Have you heard Miranda Lambert's song "The House that Built Me" If you haven't listened to it here you go

I swear this song was written for our house in Simi. My parents have lived there for over 30 years. I was born in this house. Every childhood memory is in this house, every fight with my siblings was in this house, every broken heart was healed in this house, every amazing Christmas morning was in this house (damn it I'm already crying) Every triumph every failure was celebrated and healed in this house. This house TRULY built me.
Not only has this house built me, but it was where everyone came for holidays. My cousins, Aunts, and Uncles all love this house as well. It's part of our family.
So why am I writing this?
My Parents are moving and they are moving soon.
Don't get me wrong, I'm SO excited they are moving, because they are moving closer to us, their kids. I can't wait until we can spend EVERY holiday together again, rather than a phone call saying Happy Mothers Day/Fathers Day/Easter/Christmas/etc. I know all the grandkids can't WAIT to have Mumma and Papa at every birthday, every award ceremony, and just random days to get spoiled by them.
But we are leaving our home. The house that built me.

I started taking pictures of the house last time I went back. I need to have pictures to show my girls where I grew up. The house that shaped me. I only got the back yard done but it's a start. I am trying to go back this month to get the rest. I know both my sister and brother will want these photos as well.

This one is hard to see but it's our names... in the cement in the backyard.... another slab of concrete has our hand prints. I need to get a better picture of this as you can barely see this one. But its special none the less.

I know we all are going to cry when we have to say our final goodbyes to our home. I can't wait to have my parents here but its going to be bitter sweet. I love this house....