Ainsleigh's birth story

Dearest Ainsleigh,
Your birth could not have been more perfect. I was so worried because your pregnancy was really tough on me. It seemed like every appointment there was concern for something that could turn into something bigger. From 20 weeks on I have contractions and the dr thought I was in preterm labor. Then they thought your fluid was low so I was again put on bed rest. (That was hard! But mumma and papa came to help with Mae) I was in a ton of pain by the end and you did not want to come out! I did the pressure point massage, I ate spicy foods, I walked and basically did EVERYTHING possible to get you out!!
On September 25th I started to have sharp pains... Down there.... And got worried so daddy and I headed to the hospital. All they told me was you were on a nerve and there was nothing they could do. I was dilated to a 3 - 3.5 and 50% effaced but that was it... They sent us home. I cried, I was soooo ready for you to be here. The next day (26th) "I said no matter what I'm going to the hospital on the 27th" (your due date) That night daddy and I went to bed and figured tomorrow I was going to go to the Drs and beg them to get you out. Around midnight I woke up to some strong stomach pains but quickly fell back asleep not thinking it was labor because this had been going on since 20 weeks. Then about 3am they got bad enough that I couldn't sleep anymore. I was moaning in my sleep and woke myself up haha. Daddy had just gotten to bed, he couldn't fall asleep so he had gone downstairs to watch TV. I took a shower, straightened my hair and put on some makeup because the pain was bad enough to keep me up by not bad enough to go the dr and I was bored. By 5am they had gotten bad enough and were 3-4 minutes apart. I was doing really good with the pain but they were really close so I thought we should go. I woke daddy up and said I think we need to go to the hospital. He said ok and rolled over and WENT BACK TO SLEEP!! Lol I woke him up and said "umm I mean like NOW!" He jumped up and took a quick shower. I went to Mae's room and told mumma and papa it was time. Big sister was still sleeping and I started crying thinking I couldn't say goodbye to her (I don't leave her often so it was very hard to leave without saying goodbye)
Daddy and I jumped in the car, nervous, excited, scared! It was a 3 minute car ride so we were there in a flash. Daddy dropped me off in the front and parked the car. I SLOWLY walked in and by the time I told they front desk what was going on daddy was by my side again.
I was wheeled up to triage where they checked me and I was 5.5 centimeters dilated and 70% effaced. Woo! They checked me in! YAY!! And it was your due date too! Both you and Mae were born on your due date! Crazy!

We called and texted people that it was baby time. Grandma headed our way and Nana and Mumma got ready to come too. Nana sent me a video of Mae saying good morning and I cried. I so wished she could have come but I know it would have scared her.
They asked me if I was ready for pain Meds but I wasn't quite ready. I wanted to walk around and get the jitters out before I was tied down to the bed. Daddy and I had about 2 hours to ourselves. I got changed into my pretty pushers gown and we walked the halls of the labor ward laughing in between contractions. After about an hour of walking around I was ready for some pain meds. I was starting to get tired (not much sleep the night before) and I was losing focus with breathing.

Daddy held me and we talked about meeting you while they put it in. It didn't hurt but just felt weird! She said I had a strong back so it took a little bit. I almost threw up when she was describing the needle going in so I told her to talk about life and NOT about the giant needle in my back haha.
Right after I laid down and got comfy they checked me and I was a 6.5!
Then Mumma, Nana and grandma got there.

It was a great time. We chatted, napped a little and before I knew it I felt like I needed to push. So we got ready and Dr Aguilar came in and said start pushing! I pushed for about 10 minutes and not much was happening. I was getting frustrated because I knew I wasn't pushing right but I couldn't figure it out so I asked everyone what time they thought you would come (it was 11: 40 am at this point. Everyone said they thought around noon and Nana said she thought you would come at 12:25 pm. Now I know nana was being realistic because I wasn't pushing right. That gave me the motivation to step it up! I knew I wouldn't last until 12:25 and I has to get you out now. I let go and pushed my heart out. 2 more pushes you were crowning!! One more and your little head was out! It was so round and tiny. Then Dr. Aguilar said one more tiny push (which this is the only part I screamed a little) and you were on my belly!
I had dreamed of this moment every since I knew I wanted a baby. Your first few breaths on my belly, you cried with your deep raspy voice and all I kept saying was you looked like daddy!! They rubbed the yucky stuff off and daddy and I just looked at everything. Your tiny hands and 10 fingers, your 10 toes, your FULL head of hair and dark eyebrows. You were PERFECT. We couldn't believe that we were blessed with another gorgeous healthy baby girl. They wanted to clean you off and weight you so daddy went with you and I was cleaned up. You weighted 8 lbs 3 oz 20.5 inches long. Your apgar was a 9!!!
Daddy brought you to me after you were all cleaned up. I kissed your little face and unwrapped you and started to do some skin to skin. I thought we should try breast feeding and you got the hang of it right away! I was in awe of how perfect your entrance into the world.
We love you so much Ainsleigh Jo-Elizabet. You have blessed our life beyond words. You have completed our little family.

Finding my happy place....

This pregnancy has been incredibly hard on me.
Not physically, but emotionally.
I have been battling severe depression
not the "I want to kill myself" depression fortunately.
but the "I want to sleep all day, not move, not talk, cry all the time, not happy" kind of depression.
What makes it worse is I know how stupid it is, how stupid I am. That's why I haven't told anyone.

The reasons I shouldn't be depressed..........I have the BEST husband. He works so hard and then comes home and does soooo much for me. Cleans, does laundry, gets Mae showered and in bed for me. No joke every night and NEVER complains. He's absolutely amazing.
Then Mae.... that little girl is truly the light of my life. She's so sweet. (Offering me her "frenin" when I was upset at the Dr's office) Doesn't complain when we don't get out of the house for days. She's tracing Numbers and letters on an app on my phone and every time she does one she screams "I DID IT!" She's learning her colors and shapes and always wants me to teach her new things. Makes me so happy that she wants to learn and loves to learn. She reminds me to say prayers at EVERY meal (even snacks) and is always telling me she loves me and "you de best" 
I look at every thing I have and there's NO reason to be depressed. I honestly have SO much but I can't shake this. Now with all these contractions I have to "take it super easy" which means a lot of sitting down and thinking. Not to mention it's 115 degrees outside so even sitting outside causes contractions :/
and then July is a tough month as it is,2 births 2 deaths in a span of a week.  I usually try to stay busy but now that's out of the question. So I feel like I'm forced to sit here and wallow. I feel its getting to much. I don't know what to do anymore besides sleep.

I'm 29 weeks today... hopefully less than 10 weeks and I can stop feeling like this........

The K's in my life....

I love my sister and I LOOOOOVVVEEEE her family. I am SOOOO blessed we live only 12 minute away from each other! Anyways this post is about her kids. The 6 K's I love every one of them SO much and each one I love SOOO differently. You would think that living in a family of 6 kids one or two would not have a personality of their own. Like they would get lost in the crowd. But this is SO not the case with the K's LOL. The personalities that those little people have are unreal. Since its Kambrya's birthday this month and I got the most adorable pictures of her I thought I would single her out here. Oh and another thing.... Shalaynas Kids dont go by their first names... EVER. They all have nicknames.. Kambryas is Breah This little girl is so freaking cute you want to punch someone. I swear she's an Old soul. I mean the little girl birthed herself hahahahahahahaha Anyways, we were swimming at their house and she was sleeping. I was taking pictures when she woke up and caught her yawning.

 

and then I caught this cute little look haha

 Shes so beautiful it blows me away.

Happy almost 3rd birthday Breah!! We love you!

The House that Built Me

Have you heard Miranda Lambert's song "The House that Built Me" If you haven't listened to it here you go

I swear this song was written for our house in Simi. My parents have lived there for over 30 years. I was born in this house. Every childhood memory is in this house, every fight with my siblings was in this house, every broken heart was healed in this house, every amazing Christmas morning was in this house (damn it I'm already crying) Every triumph every failure was celebrated and healed in this house. This house TRULY built me.
Not only has this house built me, but it was where everyone came for holidays. My cousins, Aunts, and Uncles all love this house as well. It's part of our family.
So why am I writing this?
My Parents are moving and they are moving soon.
Don't get me wrong, I'm SO excited they are moving, because they are moving closer to us, their kids. I can't wait until we can spend EVERY holiday together again, rather than a phone call saying Happy Mothers Day/Fathers Day/Easter/Christmas/etc. I know all the grandkids can't WAIT to have Mumma and Papa at every birthday, every award ceremony, and just random days to get spoiled by them.
But we are leaving our home. The house that built me.

I started taking pictures of the house last time I went back. I need to have pictures to show my girls where I grew up. The house that shaped me. I only got the back yard done but it's a start. I am trying to go back this month to get the rest. I know both my sister and brother will want these photos as well.

This one is hard to see but it's our names... in the cement in the backyard.... another slab of concrete has our hand prints. I need to get a better picture of this as you can barely see this one. But its special none the less.

I know we all are going to cry when we have to say our final goodbyes to our home. I can't wait to have my parents here but its going to be bitter sweet. I love this house....

Meeting Our Maelynne

This is a LONG over due post (2.5 years to be exact)
I have wanted to share our Mae's birth story but its scary and honestly I cry every time I tell it. But with our new little miss quickly approaching I wanted to make sure I have all the details saved for the future.
So here we go..
Dearest Maelynne,
I want to tell you about the day Daddy and I met you. It was one of the best days of our lives. Your sitting here next to my now, 2 and a half years old, and I cant believe how fast the years went. You are such a light in our lives and I cant wait to see what God has in store for you, you will moves mountains, I know it. Okay enough mushy stuff ya? lets get on with your story :)

Tuesday Morning (12/8/09) I wasn’t feeling too good. My stomach ached and I was exhausted. Auntie Nana (Shalayna) called and pointed out that my stomach aches were coming a 10-15 minutes or so. So we figured labor had started. It was so minor, I still could do things I just felt sick. Mumma was driving out so I started to pick up the house since I knew I would be gone for a few days. The contractions started getting harder but it still didn’t hurt. It felt like the cramps when you have to go to the bathroom. I made dinner and by 630 pm Mumma was there! The contractions were harder and were stopping me from talking about 7 minutes apart. Now they stopped me from talking but it wasn’t really painful. It just was really really uncomfortable and I felt like I REALLY had to go to the bathroom. So we went to the hospital and of course right when we got there they stopped! I was dilated to a 3 and was about 70% effaced so they sent me home. I didn’t get much sleep that night because I was so uncomfortable.

Wednesday (12/9/09) morning around 6 am they were starting to hurt. I sat on an exercise ball and that really helped I could roll my hips around and it really eased the pain for me. I had a Doctors appointment at 11:30 so we decided not to go to the hospital and just wait. When we got to the doctors office, She stripped my membranes… Now honestly this was painful!!! I was screaming on the bed….. almost breaking Daddys hand HAHA Of course I wanted her to do it but OMG it hurt… From there it got rough. Contractions were coming every 5-7 min and they were hard. I really had to breathe through them and hold on to something and squeeze. At about 3:30pm Mumma thought I had a bit of a fever which IS NOT GOOD so we went straight to the hospital. I had a slight temperature but they weren’t too concerned and I was only dilated to a 4. (they won’t admit you unless you are a 5 or your water breaks) So I had to walk around the hospital to try and get my body to get moving. I was in a ton of pain so it was like walk a few steps stop breathe through a contraction walk a bit more breathe. Finally around 4:30 pm I was dilated enough to be admitted. I literally got into the room and they said the anesthesiologist was going in a surgery so I could have the epidural now or wait and possible miss the window. I'm pretty sure everyone in the room said DO IT NOW!!!! We had quite a party in the room. It was Daddy, Mumma, Auntie Nana, Uncle Jon, and Auntie Rikki! Papa was driving out from Simi Valley!

Then really the worst part.. the IV… they had to stick me 7 times before they got it. 7 TIMES! The nurses were soooo nice and were apologizing over and over. It hurt and I was all bruised.

Then the Epidural was easy! I sat on the bed with my legs hanging over and I hunched over the tray table  Daddy sat facing me with his arms around my shoulders and we just kept saying we get to see and hold our baby girl today and Bam it was over! It didn’t hurt at all.. just felt a bit of pressure I thought it was from him holding me still honestly. After the doctor finished Daddy lets out a huge gasp and says "Oh my God that was the biggest needle I have ever seen!!" Every one started laughing, I was grateful Daddy didnt say that BEFORE he stuck me! A little after Dr. Van Eekan broke my water. 

Then the waiting game, they started Pitocin(SP?) and we waited… and waited and waited.. NO PAIN I napped a bit, Auntie Brittany came and visited for a bit. It was really relaxing. 

 Now the scary part.

Then about 11:30 PM things started to go bad. I started feeling pain again so I told the nurse. They came and put some more epidural in and You didnt like it at all Miss. Your heart rate would jump really high then fall REALLY LOW. I was put on oxygen and they started prepping me for emergency c-section. (which honestly I was more terrified of that than actual birth) They checked me and I was Dilated to a 10 and fully effaced so they gave me the option to push but kept telling me that a c-section was pretty much the end result.  (at this point Uncle Jon ran out of the room haha) So around midnight I started pushing.Then they saw that there was meconium (sp?) in the fluid and that I needed to get you out asap. I didn't want to be behind a drape when you came out, I wanted to see your first few seconds of life. I pushed, Nana and Auntie Rikki looked terrified, and Mumma started to cry when she saw your little head start to come out. I yelled at her saying she couldn't cry! I needed her to be strong! Nana called Grandma and Grandpa in Iowa so they could listen to you being born. 

At 12.41 am you came out. This was the scary part, you came out purple. The cord was around her neck and the stress of labor was really hard on you. They didn’t lay you on my belly, something I had dreamt about, you were rushed over to the incubator in the room (I'm crying as I'm writing this. It truly was the scariest moments of my life) You didn’t breathe or move for over a minute. It was horrible. I remember praying harder than I ever had in my entire life. Finally after, what seemed like hours, Nana said "She's okay! She's moving and breathing"  You apgar at birth was a 2 out of 10. It was horrible. But they got you breathing good and pink and at your 2 minute apgar you were an 8 of 10.Nana asked what your name was, nobody knew except Daddy and I. So we official announced your name Maelynne Isabella. Now something crazy, Dr. Van Eekan's name is Mia-lynne! So close to you and she delivered you! So cool!

Then Daddy got to bring you to me, and I got to see your perfect face. There really is no words I can describe how amazing that moment was. You are our perfection, your are our light, you are our life. We truly loved you from the second we saw  you.

 

So this is your story sweet girl. It's scary and wonderful at the same time. You have made our life fun and exciting and eventful since day 1! We are so honored to be your parents. We love you so much 

3 amazing years

Today is Nic and my 3 year wedding anniversary. 
It's absolutely crazy to think that its been 3 years. Our life has changed SO much. We were barely surviving financially and SCARED TO DEATH of having our first little girl. Then here we are today... Nic has an amazing job, my photography is going to bit crazy right now (I'm so  busy its insane!) and we have a perfect daughter and ANOTHER little girl on the way. I did not think our life would ever be this wonderful. He truly has made my life and given me the 2 best gifts any girl could ask for.

Here's to forever my love <3

Time speeds by...

Wow... Im updating this thing! crazyness!
I figure I will update as much as possible but I'm not going to put any stress on myself. I love blogging but when I tell myself I have to I start to hate it... and fast. So for now I'm going to write to my baby GIRLS :) Letting them know how life is for us. If I don't update everyday or even every week that's ok with me.
So where do I begin.
Miss Mae..
You have grown up SO fast it brings me to tears. You are so sweet, loving, caring, and FUNNY! You truly are the light of Daddy and my life. You make us laugh every day. You say the funniest things (we have no idea where you get them from) and you have the biggest heart.

Like I said before you make us laugh every day. Your goofy personality and the faces you make are just too funny, You love being held or just sitting on me (something I used to do with mumma!) You are my perfection.

Babygirl #2
boy do I think I know you already! You are SOOO active in my belly... Mae barely moved in there and you move ALLLLL day long. But you don't kick too hard. Almost like you are trying to be gentle in there :) I have taken belly pictures with my cell phone every week but I am starting to take good photos with my camera starting now because I think I'm finally looking pregnant instead of just chubbs in the middle :P I started feeling you kick at 14 weeks!!! You are going to be a strong lil one I know it. My athlete :) We think we have your name picked out but we are going to let in set in for a few weeks before telling everyone. I love the name and I say it all day long. Mae already has a nic-name for you and we talk about baby sister all the time. I cant wait for you to join our family. We have been waiting for you for a long time now (ever since Mae turned one we were ready for you to come!)
We cant wait to meet you finally. There will be a big welcoming committee at your birth haha

Love you both
Mommy